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Monday, June 1, 2009

another fine moment in parenting

The other morning I was skirmishing in (and uncharacteristically winning) yet another battle in the War to End All Wars, aka getting a 2nd-grader-to-school-on-time.

She Who Does Not Obey had completed all of her morning tasks with hardly a lash applied, when suddenly she noticed a Great Horror - a dastardly mosquito had bitten her on the eyelid!

Neither of us had noticed it up to this point thanks to my clever use of parental neglect to keep her bangs long and her eyes out of sight and out of mind.

But the cursed bangs had chosen this moment to part slightly and reveal this horrible blight upon humanity. There was no way she could go to school like that.

As she lay on the bed prostrate with grief, I watched my precious victory slipping from my grasp. In desperation, I played the only card I could think of.

I told her that her complaint was not legally defensible and that if I should allow her to stay home for that reason, the police would have to come and arrest me.

"Well," she said calmly, "I'll still have Daddy."

My daughter, the philosopher.


  1. Wait until She Who Does Not Obey becomes a hormonally charged fifteen year old who cannot walk out the door without hair, make up, and outfit all perfectly co-ordinated.

    Woe betide you when the desired piece of clothing is in the one load of laundry you DIDN'T wash last night (what do you mean it was 1 a.m. and you were tired?); or when the hair doesn't go well and the mascara runs out; and the tiny little flats disappear under the siblings size 10 sneakers. And this is all before breakfast! Throw in the start of her period and you have a creature who scares her brother silly(and he is a mere two levels away from a martial arts black belt!)

    Brace yourself babe...adolescence is coming!

    I remember my parents telling me that one's children were God's payback for what they did to their parents. When my daughter was in full on diva mode one morning I looked at my father and said, "Maybe I'll just apologize now for having clearly been a rotten kid!"

    Tish (runner up for worst mother of the year)

    BTW...did you manage to get her to school after?

  2. I did. And I never heard any more about the dreaded fly bite afterwards. Apparently it was a transient thing and wasn't worth all the drama. Who could have predicted that?

  3. Ahhh, no kids here. I get myself out the door in the morning with nary a battle!!